It almost feels weird writing in here... Like opening a photo album of the past... Or resurfacing an old relationship. It seemed as if I had grown so much throughout the short time I kept this diary... When the public eye became too much for me to keep up with I abandoned my dream of writing for people and left my old life behind. You see, a lot has changed since I last wrote. The reason I stopped updating is most likely the dramatic changes that occured shorty after my last entry on May 6th, 2003. For one, we moved. The apartment wasn't working for mom, Carla and I... We needed to start fresh. For ourselves... And for Kayden. This would be a new beginning to a new life. A first for Kayden, and another shot for my mother and I. We moved to a much more modern apartment building, it's much smaller and homely than the other building, however the apartment itself is much bigger, more space to breathe. We KAydeNiZed it... haha. Haha a jolly jumper hanging from the doorway (that he can't use just yet), toys everywhere... it's heaven. It isn't too far from where we used to live... Maybe about 10 minutes away. Because of the move we haven't had the internet up at all, hence the reason I haven't been writing. The reason I say I "abandoned" my dream is because I should have kept up in a paper journal of some kind... But I didn't. I just needed a brake you know? To get away from it all. I don't know if I will continue updating... My life has been so different now. I love you readers to death and I want to keep you informed on our life, but my number one priority right now is Kayden... And it always will be. I've been too busy with everything to worry about writing. I will try though, every once in a while. I promise I will try!!! Speaking of the little bugger, Kayden himself is already 3 and a half months old... He's getting so big! He has beautiful rosy cheeks... Just such a healthy, smiling baby! People often ask me what nationality he is, as you can see what I mean, he has darker than caucasian skin (Obviously because of Aaron)... WHICH IS WHAT I MEANT BY TAN. His eyes are a dark green/brown and his hair is a very soft brown, so light brown it's almost dirty blonde. He's jsut the sweetest baby! Everything is fine and dandy with him!

Aaron has been helping out when he finds the time. I have to give him credit though, he does miss out on a lot for Kayden. His parents are amazing, they help out extreme amounts and they just love Kayden to death. We often have dinner together, usually Aaron's family comes over, or they cook us a big dinner Sunday nights. Aaron's been so busy though, when he does come see Kayden that usually gives me time to take a nap, so as you can see, Aaron and I haven't had much bonding time. Our lives are just so crazy... it's a shame though. I don't have time to think about boys anymore, at all. Sometimes I wish so hard to have someone to be with, I long for that feeling of being cared for by a boy... Mostly Aaron... But I know that won't happen. Not anytime soon. If you're having boy problems right now... BE THANKFUL YOU HAVE THEM! I wish I could deal with problems like that again... they seem so small now.

I've also been busy catching up with school work. I get special excersise books that my mom ordered through the school. They are helping me a lot with the work I missed out on and they will keep me refreshed untill school starts again. You see, once school starts Aaron's grandmother will take Kayden half the day and Carla is home the other half. That gives me time to go to school and come right home to take care of Kayden. It will be busy, but thank God for the people who are helping me out! God bless them.

Life has been... Hard. My mother and I don't really attend family get togethers anymore... It's like we formed a new family... We just don't feel comortable at family get togethers, it feels like everyone is judging us. We still keep in touch and attend dinners now and then, but for the most part we keep our distance. Our new family consists of Kayden, Mom, Carla and I. For the most part, Aaron and his family are included too. We stick together. We'e been through thick and thin. Mom's been working very hard lately, I've been spending a lot of time with Kayden. Friends stop by once and a while to see how he's doing... But I never get to go out. I miss out on all the old things I used to love to do. Just go to a friend's house and stay up all night... Laugh and absolutely nothing. Not worry about what time I got home... All those things I took for granted and never realized how much each of those moments added up in my life. They mean so much to me now that I look back on them. But they're only memories... Memories upon memories of my life before...

Lots of love,

Allyson