Tyler and I have been talking a lot, we don't go out much though. I am extremely embarassed nowadays to leave the house. I feel like the laughing stock of the town. I know if my 14 year old was pregnant I wouldn't want her flaunting around town... (Now I'm 15 by the way!!! Yeah my birthday was two weeks ago!! It was a depressing bday... I never thought I'd be blowing out 15 candles wishing that my baby is born ok...) I feel like a freak show, but this is what I got myself into. And God knows I'm strong... God knows I'll get myself out of this hole with pride. Ahaha... sorry for laughing but mom bought me this self esteem book and I've been reading it religiously and I actually have noticed a change in my attitude. Not that my attitude is great nowadays... but you know.
Aaron and I *suprisingly* have been talking daily. We talk about everything, especially our baby. He's been real mature nowadays, he talks about how great of a dad he's going to be, how much he wants to do for "our child". It's really sweet, but I'm a firm believer in, "When I see it I'll believe it", especially with Aaron. Things have ben amazing with him though. A couple weeks ago he was seeing this girl Amber, she was really sweet and even though I was hurt by this, she was a really good girl. I think she really helped turn him around. They broke up last week, he's been doing fine though, and he's a lot more friendly. He tells me he still has those feelings for me, and he's going to be there for me every step of the way. I couldn't ask for more... :)
I go into the hospital next week. I'm really nervous. The doctors are concerned about my delivery, size, and the position of the baby so I have to go in sometime next week and stay there until I deliver. It's going to be a long week... The doctors say my baby should arrive April 2nd if everything goes according to plan... Oh wow, wish me luck!!!
Last night mom suprised me with a giant bristle board card that my competitive dance team had created and signed with a little message from everybody... it was so sweet of them!! I was in tears... I really miss dance.
I can't wait to find out if my baby is a little girl or a little boy... What do you think diary??? Mom and I want it to be a suprise, so we're really excited! We've had a LOT of clothes, diapers, and baby things donated to us from relatives and friends. Everyone is being really supportive. Guess what is the most amazing thing... My mom's best friend from University, Carla, is moving in with us in the middle of April. She needs a place to stay and she wants to help out with the baby... It's incredible... I know it only gets harder from here... And I'm so scared. I'm not ready, but I guess I never will be. As long as I have the people I love at my side I think I can get through this...
Wish me the best of luck if you don't hear from before the baby is born...
Oh my God... I just thought of something... What if there is complications and I die delivering my baby? Well I've thought of this before, but you guys will never hear from me again, you won't even get to know what happened with my baby, the delivery... anything... Well... maybe I'll explain this to my mom and she could post a message for me if I die? Oh that's terrible to think about, now I'm upsetting myself... I'll try to write more soon...
Lots of love and thanks for all the support, you readers mean so much to me!!!!!
MuAh X0XOXOXOXOXOXOX I wILL miss You All SO muCh!
Allyson... future mother...
