Well things haven't been so bad lately. Like... I'm living at least. One of my old grade school teacher's just had a baby and she sent me all these pictures. She looked so happy... she told me she felt reborn... and it's the "most amazing feeling in the world". Do you think I'll feel "reborn"? I really want to be as happy as she was in the pictures... I want to feel that. Right now my baby does feel special to me, but I really thought I'd feel more. I feel so guilty but I do get the sense that my baby is a terrible mistake. I know that sounds horrible, but it's only what I feel. And I feel that way, only sometimes...

Aaron and I have been talking a lot more... but there's nothing between us at all. Just really good friends who have really strong feelings for eachother. It's so difficult Diary... but for some reason I don't want to be with him... I'm just so confused... You see there's this other guy, Tyler in grade 11. We always talk at lunch and he's started calling me. He's the nicest person I've ever talked to in a long time and he's so good looking. I don't know why he's so nice to me. He always looks out for me and makes sure I'm ok. I know Aaron gets really jealous when I talk about him... but he's just so... perfect. Oh no... I think I really like him... like A LOT. He just notices all the things that Aaron ignores. He always tells me how beautiful I am... and everything. We only talk though... and I still want to be with Aaron. All my girl friends have basically ditched me to do more important things... like clubbing, and shopping. The things normal girls do. All I have now are my guy friends. And thank God for that...

Allyson