Well it's pretty damn late isn't it? I went to bed at around 10:30pm, basically the norm lately. But I always wake up in the middle of the night from back pains and nausia... it really is terrible. I'm living... barely. Sometimes I have to get out of bed and walk around, so I decided to get on the computer and write a little. Aaron and I have started talking again, but there is really nothing left to say to him. Our conversations are empty and awkward... I am such a social outcast lately but it doesn't bother me. Why? Beats me. Besides, Aaron has changed... he started hanging out with a new group of friends and I've heard some stories that are so damn hurtful... Aaron swears that they're not true, and I believe him because I still love him so much, so deeply. But they hurt diary, what if Aaron is lying to me and they are true? I've heard things about him at parties... girls sucking him off for fun, him getting lap dances, and even him with that slut Julie... oh Diary... who is spreading these stories??? Don't they see the pain they are causing me? I want Aaron back so much it hurts... It feels like there is a giant whole in my heart and it will never ever be filled... it's sunk in too deep. Maybe this is all a big dream... I'm not really pregnant. It's almost been 4 months, can you believe it? I can't believe pregnancy last so long. Aaron and I were talking on the phone yesterday and he kept telling me that he cared for me so much... but things were "different". If he cared for me, why isn't he with me like he used to be? Is he playing with my head because I keep getting my hopes up and getting hurt. I love him so much... soooooo much. He's always with Julie now, even if he says they're just friends. It hurts so much I don't even want to go to school anymore...
Hush little baby... it will be alright. Let's dream together of our happy family. I promise you when you come out things won't be so bad... you'll be happy, we'll be together, you, me and Aaron... you'll have the best life ever... One day... I promise you.
Allyson
