Well things are ok.. not good, not bad. My mom has been really worried about me and keeps trying to get me to go to counciling. I don't want to, I don't need it. Doesn't she understand we need money for this baby? I AM keeping the baby, no matter what she says. It's not like she's told me I can't... I'm just very defensive these days...
Today after lunch I felt kinda sick and threw up in the bathroom. Mom said that I better get used to it, I'm gonna start getting sick a lot lately. I was really bummed out so Aaron and I went to the mall with Kristah and the guy she's seeing Ian. He's a really nice guy. I saw all these girls dressed in their little skanky shirts and booty shorts... they are attracting the wrong attention, can't they see? Do they want to end up like me?!? In couple months I'm going to have a giant stomach buldging from my shirt, and they're sitting there in practically their bra's and underwear. UGH, they make me so mad. Most of them are older than me, how can they be so dumb? Some guy is going to get the wrong idea and rape them one day, I'm so lucky to know who the father of my baby is, and I'm so lucky he stands by me. I was so depressed, I know I was being too quiet and ruining everybody's fun. I just can't help it, I'd give anything to go back in time and not have sex. I know Aaron would too. I know I can trust Aaron with my life, but then I see those skanky slut girls parading around half naked... with their perfect bodies and freshness to life... Then there's me. I don't even feel attractive anymore, soon I'm going to be big and fat... od diary this is terrible. Aaron won't want to be with me, he'll go after the beautiful girls, and God knows they'd go for him. I see how they look at him, especially the ones in his grade... why would he want to stay with this little fat pregnant grade 9? Oh diary... now I'm crying. He's free to do whatever he wants, sure, he has to take care of the baby, but if he boots me to the curb and gets a new girlfriend, no one can stop him... it's all up to him... Oh diary... why me!?! I love Aaron with all my heart, please don't leave me, I'd do anything for you... anything.
~Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger~ I guess...
Luv Allyson
