Ok so I talked to my mom. Phew. It feels so damn good, but at the same time, so damn bad that I've let her down. I just feel like such a failure daughter. She always taught me to wait till I was married, but I couldn't, I'm so helpless now.

Here's how the talk went:

Mom was in the den talking on the phone so I sat next to her on the couch and glanced blankly at the T.V. My heart was pounding so hard that I couldn't concentrate on anything. When she hung up she asked why I was crying before and gave me a hug. As soon as she hugged me I started crying again and she knew something serious had happened. I told her I had to tell her something and that I was really scared. Here, this way might be easier for you:

Me: I need your help mom... I'm just scared to tell you...

Mom: Honey, whatever it is, you can tell me, I love you and I'll help you with whatever it is...

Me: *stutters* Me and Aaron... we started having sex.

Mom seemed suprised but not too shocked.

Mom: Oh my God... honey, why would you do that? How many times?

Me: Not too many... only a couple...

Mom: Why? Allyson, I talked to you about this already.

Me: I'm sorry mom... I'm so sorry...

Mom: It's ok sweetie, I'm here for you, we can work this out.

Me: That's not really what I need help with...

Mom: Are you... preg-?

Me: I don't know... I'm so scared mom. (Those weren't our exact words but to sum it up)

She hugged me for a long time and I told her everything. I told her all the dates that we had sex and that we used condoms everytime except that one night... but I didn't tell her I got raped. I know there will be tonz of people writing in my g-book or leaving me a note bitching at me to tell her, but trust me, I'm not going to tell her. I just can't, and I won't, I worked that out and it's over, let's leave it at that. My mom and I talked forever about it, and she never got mad. I was so suprised, I totally pictured her bawling and screaming that I was the worst kid in the world and that she is going to throw me on the streets and shit... But nothing close to that happened. She hugged me, cried with me, asked me questions that I can now answer. She told me she loves me the same as she always did and that I was her daughter and she is going to help me every step of the way. She also said said that if it is shown that I am pregnant, the baby could have been conceived any other time, considering condoms aren't 100% effective. I never thought of that... She says we shouldn't really talk about the "ifs" right now, she wants to find out for sure if I am pregnant first, so we're going to the doctor's tomorrow to get checked. She also wants me to call Aaron and have him over, he was gone all day today but he is coming over tonight. We're going to tell him everything, and then tell his parents. Everyone needs to know. After we talked it was so late that we both decided to get ot bed. I layed on my bed, but couldn't sleep. Mom seemed to brave and ok with everything, that I relaxed. Then, quietly but clearly I heard her begin to cry, alone in her bed. I knew she was so disappointed in me, and scared for me. That's when I began to cry too... I don't even remember dozing off...

Everything is so scary right now... it feels unreal. Aaron's coming over in about an hour... Mom said she's going to help me tell him, but I don't want to, I'm so scared... so scared...

Allyson

::Please pray for me... pray that I'm not pregnant. I'd really appreciate it, I just don't know what I'd do if I am pregnant...:: Thank you with all my heart...